I blame Father Ted for all this!
(Father Ted is a UK TV programme - click to find out more)
The classic comedy's 'ARSE', 'FEK' and 'DRINK' phrases seem to fit in so well with classic bike restoration!
We all know how it goes:
Plan A: Full of good intentions, you decide to strip the Classicati Misfiro this winter and fix that annoying oil-rattle-bang whilst the weather is only fit for lunatics or harder-than-me types.
Unfortunately this starts to go wrong when you discover that Mr Highlyqualifieddesignerondrugs never thought that the head bolts might have to be undone with anything other than a flat spanner. No room for a ring, socket or that fancy thing your auntie bought you for xmas. ARSE!
Plan B: You modify all the best spanners you have and steal your mate’s best snap-on only to succeed in rounding/shearing/breaking it and taking all the skin off your knuckles. FEK!
Plan C: Go down the pub to regroup and discuss tactics. DRINK!
The theory goes that when your classic bike is 'FEKED' you will need some parts. Genius eh?
Bikes have been my love for years. I tend to ride them rather than polish them, though I hold no grudge against those that spend a lot of time and money keeping their bikes pristine.
There is nothing more beautiful than a polished, well restored, cared for classic. I just don’t have that sort of patience.
I’m fortunate to have a range that allows me to ride according to the mood, my favourite plodder is a '41 Harley WL45. A great classic blat bike is the '72 Ducati 750 Sport, and for those days when we are all out playing, carefully observing the speed limits(!) the Ducati 996 gets an airing. In between there are others, 'her indoors' rides an Aprilia RS250 and a '73 Benelli 250, and there are a selection of other fine machines including a 6cyl CBX1000, T140 etc.
Feked.com English Dictionary:
Heaven:- noun; a place or state of supreme bliss: Beer in one hand, fag in the other, arse on sofa, feet on stool, bucket of crisps on table, great bike movie on tv, wench bringing more beer and crisps regularly. Check out the best bike movies to watch here. Beer, fags and crisps available online at Tesco's. Find your own wench.
Hell:- noun; a state or place of great suffering: Bike in the hedge, bits of it on the road, sat on a verge, leathers all scuffed, helmet scraped, gloves knackered, exercising foul language vocabulary, dying for a fag, trying to figure out why that corner was quite so slippery (always used to take it at 60), how the hell am I gonna get home, mobile got no signal, raining again...
Pain:- noun; a strongly unpleasant bodily sensation: Skinned knuckles, frozen toes, frozen fingers, pushing 200kg bike 3 miles with no petrol, speeding fine, 500cc single kick-back ankle, wasp down yer jacket.
Fear: - noun; an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm: the feeling you get just before an event to cause Hell, or Pain (see above), the blue light in the mirror at 1**mph, the jam sandwich hiding in the side turning that you just went past at 1**mph, the back end sliding out, black ice, pigs, fat pillions, gay pillions.
F. D. Roosevelt once said “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”, clearly he never rode a motorbike.